english speaking mama needs tips...

[stellasmama]

Hey all, please respond in swedish if your more comfortable.

I have a 8 month old daughter who has been breastfed to sleep her entire life. We've tried laying her in bed awake and she can fall asleep on her own but still wakes up 3+ times a night demanding to be consoled and eat back to sleep. Especially when she's teething, like now which means waking up all night long. We get no sleep at all. We live in a small apartment and must sleep in the same room, though she sleeps in her own bed. She sleeps on her tummy best and normally sleeps 3 small naps a day usually lasting only 40 minutes long. I've tried pushing her bedtime to 8 but it doesn't help. Nowadays I put her to bed around 7.30 ish.

I want to start the "kur" but have several questions: 1. can I start even though she's teething? 2. how do I console her when she's screaming and we sleep in the same room? 3. Since we sleep in the same room, should I expect the "kur" to work? 4. Should I also do the same routine with naps right away?

Thank you so much for helping, we're desperate for sleep!

[annawahlgren]

Hello, and welcome to you

Don't despair - you're not alone. I suppose you have found the Cheat Sheet back in the English/German department

Just do as it says. To the letter. And to that, add an attitude of total self-evidence, id you follow me. This is not the time to "test" or "try", but to pursue

1. Yes. A well-sleeping child has no problem with teething. So let her be just that. She's too tired now which gives her all kinds of problems. Don't wait for them to disappear. Sleep comes first.

2 and 3. You're not supposed to console her but to calm her down, all according to the Cheat Sheet. Leave her alone the first four nights of the cure, so that you can "ramsa" her from outside, and in order NOT to run the risk of disturbing her.

4. Yes, go for it all in one go She will get the hang of it more quickly and so much easier, the less confusing and mixing-things-up you are.

Good luck We are here for you.

[stellasmama]

Yes, thank you I have read and re-read that cheet sheet several times so I know I don't do anything wrong. I began this evening and it took her a good 35 minutes to get herself to sleep. I was very "bestämd" and assertive with the ramsa. I'll let her have the room to herself for the next few nights and get this to work for naps too. I'm glad to have this forum for support since I know this will be tough but very worth it.

thank you in advance! will keep you posted.

[annawahlgren]

[stellasmama]

Well, the first night went as planned. She woke 6 times and I put her back to sleep having the last word. She did very well and I was proud of her. We did the day the same and she did very well also. My husband decided he would do night 2 and she ended up waking twice as much!!! Is that supposed to happen? She woke up several times and he would only have to do the mantra once before she'd get the point and fall asleep each time. Which I suppose IS an improvement. But she would wake and cry every 20 minutes during 1 - 2am and 3-4am. Is this normal for a night 2?
I asked him if he was doing the confirmation and getting the last word in and he said most of the time but sometimes she would quiet down before he got to the door and wouldn't want to wake her so he'd only said the mantra 2x before leaving the room. Is that a good thing? Or did we mess up? I picked her up this morning at 6:45 this morning. she was happy and playing in her bed.

I put her to sleep for her nap now and I had the last word, she went down quite easily. So I suppose it IS getting better but the last night has me confused. I would appreciate some advice.
THANK YOU!!!!

[stellasmama]

just wanted to pop this to the top to see if I get any help, I'm really grateful for any response to this, I am really uncertain.
thank you!
Nicole

[Nancy]

Hi Nicole

My English is not perfect but I try anyway

Remember to say the confirmation OUTSIDE and away from the door

from my experience It was harder in night 2 than in night 1. Hang in there and keep up the good work. It will soon be better

If you have any other questions I will check the computer again before I go to bed.

Sincerely,
Nancy

[stellasmama]

thank you for the quick response, your english is great, don't worry, you can write in swedish

I just wonder if it is most important to have the last word, say if she does her last *peep peep* do I need to say again the mantra? she sometimes talks herself into sleep and I let her do that, then after she's quiet I'll say the confirmation softly and nicely instead of my "No, I insist, go to sleep" sounding voice. she'll make a couple sleepy peeps "as if to say, ok mommy I'm going to sleep now" and then quiet again. Should I offer a second confirmation at that point?

She went to bed tonight her 3rd night and I did not pat her the first mantra run through but she went into hysterics and I went in 3 more times only patting her for 30, then 20, then 10 pats respective. She fell asleep after 7 minutes of work. I'm proud of her she's learning very fast. She had a wonderful day with a total of 2 ½ hours sleep, which she's never been able to reach before. She was a very happy baby today!!

thank you again for encouragement and help!
Nicole

[Nancy]

I don´t know what "pat" is, is it "buff"

According to what you dercribe you shouldn´t disturb her with any more mantra after a fem humbles and mumbles... (oh, Nancy is trying to sound so very English but maybe she´s doing it all wrong )

It is OK to talk a bit before sleeping. Just as YOU perhaps correct the pillow or switch side in the bed. As long as you have the last word after sad questions: "that´s right, mum and dad is looking after you and has the gun ready to protect you from wolfes, go to sleep (and so will WE ).

You´re doing an excellent job

Nancy

[stellasmama]

Thank you for your confirmation, I feel much better knowing I am following the instructions correctly. Especially since we want this to work! Stella woke up 6x last night, better than night 2! And I only had to do the mantra without "buffing" most of those wakings, it wasn't until 5 that she wanted to be up and play that it was harder. So I had to buff after a while.
I hope that tonight will prove our efforts have been worth while.
Thank you again!
Nicole

[Mamma S]

It sounds like you are doing great! And it will be so worth it, for all of you! The greatest is that finally when the whole family sleeps through the night it is never a problem to brake the schedule once in a while, like for example when traveling or going to a party.

[annawahlgren]

Hmhm, Mamma S, här ska inte talas om att breakas shema innan man ens har infört något - en sak i taget, please

Målet NU är att genomflöra kuren och få hela sköna sammanhängande nätter och fungerande dagslurar. Inget annat. Det tar vi sedan

Kära stellasmama - som alltså förstår svenska - du måste hålla dig påläst och läsa på, läsa på under tiden. Det gör man inte en gång för alla. Och det finns en anledning, en mycket beprövad anledning, till allt som står i Lathunden. (Eftersom du förstår svenska, kan du ju också lätt läsa på allt som står här om kuren, som t ex "SHN-kuren - så kan det gå till" där det finns mängder av matnyttiga berättelser, som borde kunna peppa dig rejält.)

Det står t ex inte att pappa ska störta in och ta över natt 2. Det står att samma människa - den sakligaste av er - ska ta de två första nätterna, och sedan (diskret) lära upp den andra, som tar de följande två.

Det står inte heller att det ska ramsas inne i rummet, x2.

Det som står är precis hur SHN-kuren bör genomföras för att resultatet ska bli det önskade. Jag råder dig och er att verkligen följa "bruksanvisningen" och inte hitta på egna små varianter, särskilt inte nu under själva kuren och uppföljningsveckan! Det är extremt viktigt att man gör rätt, och i rätt attityd.

Det som händer annars är just den förvirring ni åstadkom natt 2.

Och förvirring betyder vargar i rummet, betyder oro, betyder nya frågor, betyder bakslag.

Buffar gör man inte efter första natten, möjligen någon enda gång under natt 2, men under andra natten är det meningen att ramsan ska ta över helt. Man måste förstå att SHN är en process. Den går framåt, men bara om man har målet för ögonen och vargarna skjutna och inte börjar laborera med förvirrande, motsägande besked.

Träna nu på lösenordet BACKA!

Och läs på, läs på, läs på...

Man måste vara noga med kuren. Noga

[stellasmama]

Yes, I feel like night 2 was also a setback, I thought I had explained the process clearly to him but he thought he was doing right. So we lost a night. I am hoping we will gain a better night tonight as I plan on continuing with the plan I followed as it seems to give the best results. I follow according to the english written instructions to the "T" so I am confident in that she listens to me. Especially in the day time. She is sleeping more hours now than she ever has. Even if she does wake and ask where I am with a loud "mama mama mama" then for her papa "papa papa papa" which is probably not normal for a 8 month old. But I keep strong and don't let it effect my efforts. Because I can see how she is during the day, so much more energetic. Can play on her own!! Before she was so clingy and wanted to be held constantly. Now she is laughing and playing with her toys on her own. I am amazed. So I know this is working. I hope that tonight (Night 4) which will really be a Night 3 I can have a good night with her. Papa is not in charge anymore
I can't be mad, he was trying to give me the assistance he thought I needed. It's just one night in the 8 months of non-sleeping, so I hope this will be a good night.
Thank you again for your help!

[annawahlgren]

Härligt att du redan ser effekterna av kuren

Papa is not in charge anymore
I can't be mad, he was trying to give me the assistance he thought I needed.

Men kära nån - vi ska vara tacksamma för pappas stöd och hjälp och han ska verkligen få lov att vara in charge. Det var bara det att han skulle tagit natt 3 och 4 i stället, för att lära sig med din diskreta hjälp i bakgrunden, du som då tagit de första 2.

Stäng honom inte ute, för allt i världen! Jag ber dig igen - läs på, och håll dig till vad där står Nu hittar du ju på något eget och nytt igen alldeles själv - att "papa is not in charge anymore".

Återigen - var noga, när du/ni genomför SHN-kuren. Noga

[stellasmama]

hello again,
after another better night, I still see a pattern as she's always had though have had to BF her back to sleep in the past (since I'm keeping an excel file of times she wakes and sleeps) She is waking every night at 1, 3, & 5 - 5 being the toughest to get her back to sleep. Although it's usually all I need to do is one round of mantra and she's back to sleep. Which is great. But at 5 she's still wanting to be up and ready for the day, so I'll keep on keeping on. I'm assuming since she's been taught that at 1, 3 & 5 she's getting fed that it will take a bit more time to re-teach her that she can fall back asleep on her own.

My question is, we can't stay sleeping on the sofa/floor forever. We would like to reclaim our bed again soon. Should we expect when we do that there will be some sort of upset when we do and when would be a good time to do that? When she does wake up should I walk out of the room and wait until she is sleeping and then get back in bed when I know she's taken the confirmation?

Note: I've created it so that she has blankets all the way to the top of the crib, with the top open of course. The sides are blocket by the blankets tied around the sides of the bed, in lew of getting a screen to give her a sense of being on her own now.