english speaking mama needs tips...

[stellasmama]

I'm wondering if I should modify her nap schedule and if by modifying it I will help her sleep better at night and during the day. Since she is 8 months maybe she does not need the 3rd nap of 40 minutes.

Her nap routine I want looks like this:
7:00 wake (although she wakes at 6:30 most of the time)
9 - 10:30
12:30 - 2
3:00 - 3:40
7:00 bed

What I mean is when she naps from 9:00 to 10:30 she has a hard time with her second nap by sleeping the whole 1½ hours at 12:30. She wakes after 40 minutes and is playing in her crib, impossible to get to sleep until 2. But still takes the 3:00 nap though with some fuss although slight.
Should I expect her to stick to this schedule now that she's 8 months?

[Nancy]

Hi

first I would like to appologize that I didn´t tell you right away that you shouldn´t change parent in charge from one night to the next. I didn´t think about this since we didn´t "kurade" by the book (Leia was to young at the time). Good thing that AW told you (and good for me to know as well for the future... )

don´t "expect" question that haven´t come up yet. If you have studied well you know how to answer them. Don´t forget your ability to LISTEN and you hear that questions are different and need different attention. Sometimes it´s best to do nothing at all, for instance if your daughter is angry, than you should leave her alone.

I think you can leave the room and say the mantra outside. When the baby is sleeping, you go back to bed.

your daughter has to many hours of sleep on her scedule I count to 15 h and 45 minutes, way to much for her age. For her age 14,5 hours is better. It is very important to check these things before you start the kur since you shouldn´t even consider changing the scedule for at least a week (don´t know the exact period of time, read more in the Cheat Sheet (spelling?).

Ok, done is done and I recommend you to shorten lur nr 2 and 3. When my daughter was 8 months she slept 1,5 h + 45 minutes per day and if needed, I put her to bed 15 min early.

Perhaps someone else would recommend you to do it differently and if so I hope they will wright about it.

Good luck

[Mamma S]

Hmhm, Mamma S, här ska inte talas om att breakas shema innan man ens har infört något - en sak i taget, please

Usch, fy pa mig, jag tar tillbaka allt och havdar motsatsen!
Men jag menar fortfarande att det ar "so worth it" !

[annawahlgren]

[stellasmama]

I believed it would but I have to admit, I am a bit shocked that this IS working!

Right now Stella is sleeping her second nap for the day 1½ hour and she slept her morning nap for 1 hour (I HAD TO WAKE HER UP!!) this never happened before. This girl was a 3x a day 40 minute napper!!!

She's sleeping so much better at night. Last night was the 7th night since we started and she slept through from 19 - 7!! only gnälling 3 times in the night. All I had to do was give her a reminder from the door and she continued to sleep.

What a good girl!!
Thank you Anna and everyone for your support and help!

[Mamma S]

only gnälling 3 times in the night.

Gratulerar till lyckligare dagar och natter!!

[stellasmama]

Stella slept from 19.05 until 6.04 this morning without a single peep! Actually I woke up around 5.45 since I'm so used to being woken up and I was wondering why I hadn't heard anything from her. I was actually amazed she had slept so long without me and continued to sleep until 6.04 in which case I gave her a single mantra and she slept another 30 minutes!!
Finally finally finally going the direction I had planned!!

[annawahlgren]

That's my girl Both of you

[stellasmama]

Little Stella is becoming a picky eater. I noticed it started yesterday and she's nearly refusing to eat after only a few bites of food. I am curious if this is having to do with the the progress we've been making in any way and how I can get her to get back to eating really well. It might possibly be because she is teething and isn't interested in food, but I want her to eat a full meal and get full so she can sleep well.
I can offer her her favorites but it doesn't make much of a difference. yesterday she ate very little and her night last night proved that her minimum eating had night time effects. She peeped several times in the night or cried. Which after 3 nights of sleeping without a peep I am curious now why.
I sit her down and insist she eats for 30 minutes and I make deals with her that if she takes a good bite I'll blow soap bubbles for her and give her a small piece of egg toast as reward. Or we'll sing songs or I'll make her giggle. Anything to open her mouth for me. Which seems to work sometimes. But I'm mostly concerned with the Why she is not interested in eating all her food all of a sudden. She was such a healthy eater before.
Is this common?

edited to note that she has soft poop (not constipated) but can poop sometimes 2 -3 times a day in the recent days. And I feed her the katrinplommon every day.**

[annawahlgren]

Fortsätt nu kuren i lugn och ro. Börja inte oroa dig för det ena eller det andra. Dålig matlust kan man ha en dag eller två. Aptiten börjar komma på tredje eller fjärde dagen i regel. Oftast har barnen som kuras ätit dåligt innan (men bra på nätterna!) och då kan det dröja innan det blir ordning på dagspatiten. En våldsam trötthet kan också komma i dagen - värre ju mer barnet sover. Tills det vänder.

Se inte bakåt. Jämför inte med hur saker var förut. Håll nu målet för ögonen - den goda sömnen. En sak i taget. Läs på i boken och peppa dig, så du inte släpper in små orosvargar som mycket riktigt kommer att störa och oroa henne innan du vet ordet av. Och då har du snart de oroliga nätterna tillbaka.

Var försiktig nu. Fortsätt framåt. Ifrågasätt ingenting - då gör hon det också, omedelbart. Det var förmodligen inte alls det faktum att hon åt lite dåligt som gjorde att hon vaknade och pep på natten sedan. Det var dina egna "frågor", din oro ("hur ska hon nu kunna sova, när hon har ätit så dåligt?").

Såpbubblor och sång hör inte hemma under måltiden! Var tydlig. Äter man så äter man (och sover man så sover man). Då leker man inte.

Ge henne naturligtvis det hon tycker om och lä'r dig mata snabbt medan hon själv undersöker/avsmakar något annat!

[stellasmama]

I "håller med" you! I was the mom who said play time is not eating time before I knew that she needed to be full to the gills. Now in these 2 weeks I have seen myself struggling to get her to eat. She'll shut her mouth and cry. So I tried to get her to laugh and I'd put food in when she'd laugh. I give her food to feed and explore with herself and I'll slip in food that way. So I'll stick with that. What do I do though if she wont even eat that? It's always been a worry with her eating habits since I nursed by demand before questioning my food supply. She had colic. I had ångest. So I am sure it was my worry that carried over to her that night. Last night she slept much better when I decided not to worry about how full she was.
If she's not hungry anymore and I've put in as much food as can go in I wont worry because she knows when she is full. Its more important that she is confident that she can sleep and trust me to know better. Thanks!

[annawahlgren]

Good thinking. Once she has required good sleeping habits she will reach a strength and joy that you hardly ever saw before and I promise you, her appetite will increase accordingly! But first thing first.

[stellasmama]

I'm afraid Stella is still fighting the routine. She's right now been put to bed and is screeching her head off for the last 20 minutes. I don't understand since she has some really good nights and then a really bad nap or night comes along and we have to start over from scratch. What are we doing wrong? How can some of the time be different when we do the same routine every time and I go into it with the same attitude?
We've been doing this now for 3 weeks straight and she's just not getting it!
She's learned now to sit up in her bed recently and will sit and scream. Which I can't see unless I go in after she's hysterical. I have to lay her back down like this afternoon and that only caused more hysterics. She's gotten so she just is unconsolable. I ended up picking her up because she looked like she was having a seizure of hysterics. Which she's never done before, I was scared completely. I thought she was actually hurt. She's started pulling up on the bars now and I thought she might have banged her head. I regretted picking her up even before I did it. I haven't picked her up since we started the kur. And I know that's why she was so hard to put down tonight. Confused of course.
I just don't understand why 95% of the time it's great and 5% is always such a fight.

My husband went in just now and she was sitting in her bed screaming and he layed her down patted her bottom until she was calmer and then did the mantra and now she's sleeping. After 25 minutes. I'm just so confused why some times it works perfectly and other times it's just like before.

[annawahlgren]

Kanske det är det som är "problemet" - du säger: How can some of the time be different when we do the same routine every time and I go into it with the same attitude?

Sova hela natten-kuren är en process. Det kan vara fem steg fram, två tillbaka. För att barnet ska kunna (fortsätta) göra framsteg, krävs att du/ni gör "baksteg" - först, och kontuerligt.

Man måste lyssna av. Alltid. Man kan inte göra likadant kväll efter kväll. Man måste korta ner allting, steg för steg. Era 20 minuters läggning skulle t ex för ett bra tag sedan ha varit nere i 2. Ramsan skulle ha tagit över för länge sedan.

Det är ett vanligt misstag att fortsätta buffa, därför att man tolkar barnets frågande som KRIS, vilket det inte är. Och fortsätta springa in, vända sina egna "frågor" till barnet i stället för att förstå att det är man själv som måste ge svaren, eftersom det är barnet som frågar.

Det är svårt att inse:
att man faktiskt stör med sin trafik och sin oro;
att barnet behöver få vara i fred;
att det är ramsan som ska ta över, helt och hållet, medan man själv är upptagen med att hålla vargarna borta. UTANFÖR rummet. MELLAN barnet och vargen! Man motar bort alla vargar, man bjuder inte in dem!

Lär er att backa. Känn mer förtroende för lilla barnet. Hon kan mycket väl lägga sig från sittande och sätta sig från stående. Men hon gör det naturligtvis inte så länge ni gör det åt henne. Då skriker hon er till sig i stället för ifrån sig, om du förstår vad jag menar. Och då kan ni snart säga adjö till era goda nätter. Som ni nu riskerar därför att ni är för otåliga, för oroliga själva, och förvirrade. Du gör saker (tar upp) som du ångrar redan innan - så kan man inte leda barnet. Det är inte att lugna. Det är att oroa, förvirra och icke-hjälpa.

Så backa, backa. Överlåt alltmer åt henne själv. Hon kan! Öva upp ramsan och se till att den verkligen når fram, men gå INTE in. När hon sovit i tio minuter - inte tjugo - kan ni gå in och titta till henne, t o m lyfta henne rätt i sängen, utan att hon märker det.

Och skjut först och främst dina egna vargar! Ett hysteriskt barn antingen kräks eller förlorar medvetandet eller båda delarna. Hysteri är ett tillstånd ingen människa, varken stor eller liten, ska tillåtas försättas i. Det är allvarliga saker och jag tycker inte du ska "gödsla" med det begreppet.

Kom ihåg att kuren inte lever sitt eget liv och inte sköter sig själv, och lilla barnet genomför den inte åt er. Det måste du och ni göra åt henne.

Får jag föreslå att du läser på - igen och igen och igen

Då hittar du säkert också det jag ofta påpekar: ett präktigt återfall en natt är vanligt och brukar komma under uppföljningsveckan, eller veckan efter. Det tycks som om barnet måste göra en sista djupdykning i eländet som var förut, för att sedan lämna det bakom sig för gott. (Förutsatt förstås att man hanterar "återfallet" lugnt, säkert och tålmodigt - orubbligt betryggande, i ordets rätta bemärkelse.)

Så jag ber dig/er odla:
mer förtroende för lilla barnet;
mer tålamod;
mera självklar, fullkomligt tveklös attityd av självklarhet.

[stellasmama]

I think my problem is that somewhere in the back of my mind there's always that "fear" because she's always been a child that screeches like she just fell out of the bed from a 10 story building every time she wakes from sleeping. She has trained me to panic. I think that is what is taking us so long because when I lay her down she senses my underlying fear that she will freak out and so she does. How do I get to the place where I am truly confident. I WANT to be confident. It's my attitude that needs adjusting and I don't know how to get there. That's why my husband was able to go in and lay her down in the middle of her traumatical screeching last night and she went right to sleep. His calmness helped her. I wish I could be that calm. I don't know if I have it in me, but I need to draw on it now more than ever because her still questioning us at this point the way she did was her feeding off of my own fears and worry. I need to share some of the bedtime responsibilities more with my husband. Since she was born it's always been me to get her to sleep. And he has more "fears" than I do and is less confident. But after his great work last night I have more confidence in him than ever.
Regularly her bedtime/naptime routine takes only a couple of minutes, three at the tops and she's quiet. That's why I was so confused when she went into hysterics all of a sudden. We don't do buffing anymore since the second night. Just when she went into hysterics I thought it would calm her down enough to hear me ramsa. I hadn't done it in so long that I couldn't get it to work either. SO I caused her to be even more unsettled. The buffing was a mistake! Usually she listens to me, but it does take a couple minutes like you said.
Thank you for your support. I WILL get my attitude fixed and share the responsibility more. She's no different than any other child out there and though she's special to me, her sleeping abilities are just like all other children and she will get there.